we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
