I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
