I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
