you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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