what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
