my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
