I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
