Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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