They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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