how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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