Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
