ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
