I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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