Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i wish my penis had a tongue
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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