I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
