I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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