Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize