so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
