I'm going to jail i love you
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
