Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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