Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
