Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize