Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
