My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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