i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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