My Higher Power is John Stamos
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
