I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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