why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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