tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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