I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
