Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
