I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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