he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This house was built for laser tag.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
