is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
