I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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