Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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