One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
