well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
