is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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