you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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