hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
