I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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