You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize