Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she pinky promised me she was 18
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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