it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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