cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
