He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
