are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
