He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
