I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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