That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize