You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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