We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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