He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
