so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
bring money and cleavage
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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