I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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