I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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