We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
