I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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