nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
