Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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