and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
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I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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