i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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