i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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