Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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