Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
