I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
