He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He felt like a one man threesome
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You left your phone here
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