I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
