Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.