Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
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I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
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i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos