I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What drink are we having for lunch?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.