Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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