i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
