I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
