I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
