Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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