My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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