So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
worst night to have a conscience
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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