i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
of course. lets lasso hookers.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
