Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
