Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
