And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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