Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize